Ten Resolutions of an Adoptive Parent

Lifelong Learning | January 10, 2026

Let me begin with a pause.
Because adoption asks us to slow down
to listen beneath the story we tell,
and beneath the story we wish were simpler.

These are not promises of perfection.
They are quiet resolutions of the kind we return to again and again.

First.
I resolve to hold my child’s story with reverence.
To remember that it did not begin with me.
That it carries love and loss, courage and disruption, often braided together.
I will make room for all of it.

Second.
I resolve to listen more than I explain.
To meet anger, silence, or confusion not with correction, but with curiosity.
To trust that listening itself can be an act of love.

Third.
I resolve to speak of adoption as a living story that changes as my child grows,
As questions deepen and as meaning shifts over time, I will let the story evolve.

Fourth.
I resolve to honor the people and places who came before me.
Birth family.
Culture.
Language.
History.
Not as rivals to my love, but as roots, my child has a right to know.

Fifth.
I resolve to remember that behavior carries memory.
That what looks like defiance may be grief finding its voice.
That regulation often comes before reasoning, and compassion and connection before correction.

Sixth.
I resolve to ask for help without shame.
To lean on the community, teachers, therapists, and other parents who understand.
Love was never meant to do this work alone.

Seventh.
I resolve to notice and gently release the expectations I did not know I was holding.
Especially the hope for a tidy, uncomplicated story.
I will make room instead for honesty.

Eighth.
I resolve to stand beside my child in the world.
To advocate when systems are rigid,
To translate when language fails, and to insist, quietly or loudly, that my child be met with dignity and care.

Ninth.
I resolve to practice repair.
To return after missteps.
To show that relationships do not break from imperfection but are strengthened by repair.

The steel rods holding up the nine spheres of the Atomium in Brussels represent choosing connection as the tenth resolution.

And finally…
I resolve to choose connection, again and again.
Over certainty.
Over control.
Over getting it right.

To offer a love that stays.
A presence that endures.
Especially, and most importantly, when it is hardest to give.

-Shashi Sahai

Shashi Sahai is a Pediatrician, medical education leader, parent, author and co-founder of TheGraftedFamilyTree, a global adoption awareness project